Eat + Drink

Worst Halloween Candy, Ranked

I am a lover of some controversial candy. Sign me right up for all things black licorice flavored– Good N’ Plenty, black jelly beans…I’ll take them all.  I love me a Bit O Honey and I’ll gladly accept those Smarties if you’re not down. But there are some candies that just don’t deserve the title and have no place in the sacred ritual of beggar’s night.

Here they are, along with photos that accurately display the sadness they induce:

5. Dots

You just don’t want teeth anymore if you eat these.

Here’s a photo of someone who is ready to get rid of all their teeth tonight:

Instagram @mnkloe

4. Tootsie Pops

What. A. Pain. In. The. Ass.

Look at this sad lineup:

Spoon University

3. Anything from the Brach’s Bulk Section

You know those gummies that aren’t gummy bears or gummy worms, and they’re not sour…? They are often covered in visible sugar, they have a color but are lacking any discernible flavor. 

Oh god they call them “fruit jellies” (no joke)

2. Raisins and/or Raisinets

C’mon man. You clearly hate Halloween, just turn the porch light off and shut the door for the night. There’s a whole new season of stranger things you could be watching.

Instagram @Amby_500

1. Boston Baked Beans

Several questions: Couldn’t you have at least picked a name that made them sound remotely appealing?  How are they still in business? Why are they so hard? Is it because the factory has actually closed and they’re just selling up what’s left?

Instagram @_jojo73_


Cover photo  by Sarah Takforyan on Unsplash

Staff writer, editor, and producer for 1812 Columbus. Creative Community Director for SEEN Digital Media and